Part XXI: Can’t We All Just be Friends?

In which poetry, past lives, and alternate reality collide.

Artist credit: The Good Samaritan, Vincent van Gogh 1890
https://www.vincentvangogh.org/the-good-samaritan.jsp

06May2025

Can’t We All Just be Friends?

Remember when Faramir asked Frodo, 
“You’re a friend of Boromir?”
And Frodo replied, 
“Yes, for my part.”
Left unsaid was this: “…but he was no friend to me.”

I used to think I could be friends with 
pretty much anybody,
With everybody.
Little differences
In beliefs, politics, philosophy
Shouldn’t divide us,
Should they?

I was raised to believe I should  
love everyone.
Jesus loved everyone, didn’t he? 
So we should do no less, yes?
If we should love everyone, then everyone is lovable…
In theory.
But a lifetime of being taught
To love my neighbor as I love myself
While also being taught 
I’m a sinner and God abhors sin and banishes sinners from his presence
And there is no way to be perfect enough to 
satisfy god’s demands that we be therefore perfect like god is
but we are not perfect and cannot be perfect
and thus we are so awful 
we should always be cognizant of how loathesome we are,
And also we were taught that god loves us best 
(but somebody forgot to notice that being loved best
Amongst all those whom god hates
Isn’t quite the flex they think it is), 
And that anyone who isn’t us 
(Anyone who doesn’t think, believe, look, act, or worship like we do)
Is less-loved by god
And must therefore be less lovable and more loathesome than we are.
This makes it easy to figure out 
who is the best-loved-yet-still-loathesome.
All we have to do is make sure god can always see the contrast
Between us, the loathesome but best-loved, 
and the even-more-loathesome less-loved.

<Deep breath>

To ensure the contrast is always obvious enough for god 
(because otherwise god won’t be able to figure it out, eh?),
We adopt distinctive ways of dressing, speaking, behaving, 
To set ourselves apart from the not-loved-as-much masses. 
We create a code, 
so we can see 
who is us and who is not us.
We make sure not us knows as well as we do that 
Not us is unacceptable
Unlovable
More loathesome.

And then we – us - find traits, markers, obvious differences
That make it easier to tell who’s in the “most loved” group 
And who’s not.
Traits that aren’t easily hidden
Can’t be washed off
Or de-robed;
Traits that can be spotted from afar
So we can keep our distance
So we run no risk of being tainted by less-lovable-ness.

That’s a whole lot easier than
Looking into someone’s heart, or seeing someone as 
Equally lovable.

None of that matters, though, really.
Because we still can’t love our neighbors as ourselves
When we can’t love ourselves because we’re loathesome.
If we love our neighbors as we love ourselves
And we cannot love ourselves because we are loathesome,
Then we will – unavoidably – loathe our neighbors as well.
-
And then there’s the other part of the equation:
The part where not everyone is lovable by everyone.
I mean…
Maybe your mother loves you (maybe),
But if you treat me as though I’m unworthy of your notice,
Much less your compassion,
If you dismiss my existence as inconsequential,
Or abhorrent,
If you embrace beliefs and practice behaviors
That show me beyond doubt
That you consider me 
(if not me personally then at least me as part of a group of “others” you despise) 
to be disposable, or defective, or just plain old disgusting,
Then – really – what would be the basis for a friendship?

When Jesus said, “Get thee behind me, Satan.”
I’m pretty sure he meant 
Satan in a general (rather than a specific) sense, 
as in 
“if it walks like a duck 
and quacks like a duck, 
then it must be a duck.”
*NB: “Duck” in the preceding sentence 
may be substituted 
for any other rhyming word 
that suits the purpose.

The basis of friendship is trust.
If you break faith with that trust – 
the trust that began 
when you said 
you would love me as Jesus would love me – 
the trust that implied, 
if I were Anne Frank 
and the SS came looking for me, 
you would not 
tell them where I could be found – 
when you break faith with that trust
then all the cookies and Merry Christmases you might throw my way 
cannot mitigate the betrayal
of you empowering 
and enabling
people who would, will, and do
see me as undeserving of 
life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness.
These people harm us all
Including you - 
You who are so proud (or perhaps cowed)
of your compliance.
(even if you can’t see it yet).

Why would you support such beliefs
Unless you share them? Unless 
You loathe me
and apparently also loathe yourself?

The why no longer matters.
What matters is this:

I’m sorry you do not love yourself enough
To love me, too.
It means I do not feel safe with you.

Can you love your neighbor?
Can you love yourself?
Someday?
Soon?
I hope so.

I will not hate you
But I cannot trust you.
So, no, much to my sorrow I must report:
Frodo was right.

~
CJ©2025

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